


My Hands Are Shaking From Holding Back From You

by Clexalyza



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Canon Divergence, ClarkeasksLexatowait, Clexa, Commander Lexa (The 100), Dress, Episode Fix-it, Episode Related, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heda Lexa (The 100), Inspired by Taylor Swift, Lexa Deserves Better (The 100), One Shot, Post-Episode: s03e04 Watch the Thrones, Song: Dress (Taylor Swift), The 100 (TV) Season 3, The 100 3x04, Top Lexa (The 100)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25736209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clexalyza/pseuds/Clexalyza
Summary: “Are you sure?” The brunette exhaled, worry plastered across her face. “You said you needed time I-”The blonde shushed her with another neat peck, Clarke’s inevitable smile keeping it from going any further. “Never been more.” She whispered, words creating a loving smirk on the girl in front of her.ORLexa goes to thank Clarke after her fight with Roan, but it turns out to be more than just that.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 13
Kudos: 114





	My Hands Are Shaking From Holding Back From You

**Author's Note:**

> The ending of 3x04 we all deserved. This one shot was inspired by the song "Dress" by Taylor Swift. Go check it out if you didn't know it already (link)! Bonus points if you can find various other TS song mentions as well. :)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_GneCw-IoA

Clarke stared into the distance, letting the view over Polis consume her. Her mind wandered to the events of today, still not believing the fight she had witnessed. Clarke knew Lexa was a good fighter, if only she had known better not to judge her capabilities. She is _Heda_ for a reason. Just as she was ready to crawl under the soft fur of her neatly made bed, a light knock on the door broke the silence. 

As Clarke padded toward the door in her silk blue nightgown, she wondered who would still need her attention this late in the evening - and who the guards would let pass, as she had ordered no one was to disturb her. She opened the doors with a creak, only to reveal the person she was thinking about only seconds ago. Lexa stood in front of her, anything but resembling the restrained Commander from earlier that day. 

Lexa was stripped from her recognizable armor, dressed only in a long nightgown, one similar to Clarke’s, the sole difference being the color. Her eyes were warpaint free, hair brushed neatly over her shoulder and her mysterious arm tattoo shimmered in the golden moonlight. She nodded at Clarke, eyes locking with the blonde for the first time since after the battle. 

“Is this _‘I told you so’_?” Clarke asked after blinking rapidly a couple times, taking in the exposed Commander. 

“No, this is _‘thank you’_.” Lexa responded softly.

Clarke took a deeper breath without noticing, images of the pauna attack flooding her mind where she mocked Lexa for not saying thank you when someone saves you. Now, the Commander was thanking her. She opened the door wider before gesturing to Lexa. “Come in.” her voice wavered. 

As Lexa began her move inside, Clarke couldn’t help the way her eyes drifted down to the slit in her dress, carefully revealing the skin of the Commander’s toned legs. While looking down, she quickly caught sight of the bandage wrapped around Lexa’s hand, not really forming any type of protection anymore. She grabbed her hand instinctively, examining the damage and slightly wincing at the small streaks of black blood staining the white fabric. 

“Sit down, let me change that for you.” Clarke whispered, all while holding Lexa’s hand still firmly in her own. It’s only when Lexa opted for the armchair that Clarke let go of her hand. She followed quickly after, passing by her nightside table to grab a fresh rag in the process. She sat down next to her, their bodies turned in the direction of one another almost inherently. 

“That girl who was with Nia, Ontari, what will happen to her?” Clarke asked expectantly, voice hoarse. 

Lexa locked eyes with Clarke. “She won’t be back until the conclave after my death.” She spoke, as if stating the obvious. 

“Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?” Clarke asked playfully, a small smile creeping up her lips. In response, she was met by one of Lexa’s rare curl of lips. Clarke took her hand in hers and placed it carefully upside down on her lap, slowly removing the older wrapping. When she took a closer look with the bloodstained cloth discarded, it didn’t seem as bad as it did when she was gripping Roan’s sword just hours ago. 

Clarke tore the rags before gently winding one around Lexa’s palm. Once she was finished, a small silence fell over them. 

“Thank you for backing me.” Lexa spoke again, honesty sounding in her voice. 

“I was just doing what was right for my people.” Clarke looked up, only to see a small hint of what she thought was disappointment flicking through Lexa’s green eyes. 

Despite the recognizable shift in tension, Clarke felt the need to keep the conversation going. “Your ambassadors betrayed you. How do you move forward?” She acknowledged. 

“They were doing what they believed was right for their people too.” Lexa answered after a second, again letting a small smile spread across her face.

Clarke averted her gaze to the side of the armchair, not willing to believe she was caught on using the excuse of saving her people one time too much. It seemed as if they both knew there was another reason behind all the people saving, too. As Clarke tried to let herself believe the possibility of one day never having to owe her people ever again, she stood up quickly, sighing before locking eyes with the girl in front of her for what felt like the fiftieth time that day. 

“ _Reshop, Heda_.” She nodded, a knot forming in her stomach at suppressing her clearly present feelings. _Now was not the time._

“Good night, Ambassador.” Lexa smiled slightly as she stood, seeing right through the blonde’s behavior. She walked to the double doors in a few easy strides before putting her hand on the cold doorknob. Her head turned to Clarke one last time in search of any misinterpretation, but when she found none, Lexa slowly made a move to creak the door shut behind her. 

“Wait.” Clarke said reluctantly, desperation clearly heard in her voice. 

Lexa froze for a second when she heard Clarke take two big steps closer to her. She went to open the door wider again, making her way back over the threshold she had just passed. When she turned her body towards the room after closing the door with a light thud, Clarke was already standing right in front of her. 

“Do you maybe want to - uh stay? I’m not ready to lose you again.” Clarke whispered, her words carrying multiple meanings. Standing way too close for both girls to believe this had just been a casual thank you, Lexa was reminded of the day where Clarke pinned her back first against the table in Ton DC, a familiar tingle moving in between her hips. 

She nodded eagerly before thinking twice. “Yes.” she breathed, enunciating her furious movements. 

There was something in Clarke’s expression Lexa couldn’t quite figure out, but she silently hoped it was one of forgiveness. The blonde was standing so close, Lexa swore she was about to drown in the pools of her blue eyes, slightly illuminated and even more beautiful by the moon creeping its way through the tower’s chambers. She felt her hands shaking in anticipation when Clarke nodded her appreciation right before taking one more step so their toes were almost touching. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t trust your capabilities to defeat Roan.” Clarke blushed, looking at the ground briefly. 

The Commander smiled, one of those smiles only the blonde could achieve. 

“Don’t be,” she spoke confidently, her movements betraying her as her hands still trembled at her sides, “you’re the only Ambassador who has been loyal to me the whole time. You’re protecting your people.” _Our people,_ Lexa thought. “That’s why I l-” The words died in her throat, seemingly not the right time for that kind of commitment spoken out loud. “That’s why you’re you.” She settled with, only to see the blonde’s cheeks redden even further. 

Lexa’s shaky fingers brushed against Clarke’s experimentally before locking them together. Clarke let out a breath what looked like she didn’t realise she was holding, but she didn’t dare pull away. Suddenly forgetting all her worries and mistakes, her movements grew seemingly bolder, with the blonde placing her other hand on Lexa’s waist, carefully inching closer. It felt like seconds, or hours, Lexa didn’t even know, before she felt a hot breath up her neck, reminding her of the proximity between the two girls. The brunette felt her hands slip to her waist right before Clarke placed the smallest of kisses right underneath her jaw. 

“ _Klark_ ” Lexa sighed, popping the ‘k’ and arching her neck to give her more room. 

Clarke’s world stopped for a second as her head spun. Lexa gasping in front of her at her touch, only wearing a silk nightgown, made her realise she was more than just the Commander of the Thirteen Clans. She was also just Lexa, a young girl, who came to Clarke’s room in her most vulnerable state, thanking her for her actions – past feelings of betrayal deeply tucked away to never dig up again. 

Thankful they were. 

With her hands still firmly planting Lexa against the doorframe, Clarke pulled back, only to be met by glistening green orbs shining with lust. 

Before she knew it, a rush of adrenaline surged through her as Clarke leaned in, slowly closing the small distance between them. The touch of their lips was soft, almost enduring, as if they were made for each other. Although she didn’t want to admit, the blonde had really missed the feeling of Lexa’s lips on hers, as it were times like these she felt fearless yet vulnerable at the same time. They switched sides for a second and when their noses bumped, Clarke swore she felt her stomach explode with butterflies. 

Hands roomed everywhere possible, Lexa’s shaking ones flying up towards Clarke’s blonde locks while Clarke’s settled on her waist. Her right hand slowly creeped up her side, tracing over the black silk of Lexa’s nightgown. Their kiss didn’t break and when Clarke reached to place her hand on Lexa’s chest, all she was hoping for was for Lexa not to pull away. 

What she didn’t expect was Lexa’s heartbeat to inescapably speed up at the feeling of her touch. 

They broke the kiss for a split second, only to rest their foreheads together and to catch their breaths. She saw Lexa’s lip tremble, and she couldn’t help but think how beautiful the girl looked. 

“Are you sure?” The brunette exhaled, worry plastered across her face. “You said you needed time I-”

The blonde shushed her with another neat peck, Clarke’s inevitable smile keeping it from going any further. “Never been more.” She whispered, words creating a loving smirk on the girl in front of her. 

Lexa took ahold of her wrist and slightly started pushing her to the bed, eyes repeatedly flashing at her plump lips before taking her bottom one in between hers once more. 

They moved around the room delicately, bare feet unconsciously leading them to the furs. Clarke’s hand moved to her shoulder, softly maneuvering the strap of her dress so it fell of her shoulder. Lexa immediately recognised her intentions and didn’t bother twice before slipping her arms out, wiggling to let it fall of her hips. 

As the dress fell to the floor, Clarke let her eyes wander without a second thought, admiring the beauty radiating of Lexa’s toned skin. After flicking her eyes up and down her body for a few more seconds, Clarke boldly placed her palm flat on Lexa’s stomach, making her inhale sharply. Clarke felt her muscles contract at her touch, and she smiled fondly at brunette relishing at the soft graze of her fingertips. Her other hand moved to place a curl behind her ear admiringly, all but brushing her thumb over her cheek. 

“ _Beja_ , _Klark_.” Lexa breathed closing her eyes momentarily at her touch before opening them once again, the love pouring out of them undeniable. It didn’t need much convincing for Clarke to crash their lips together once more. Taken aback by the full force of the kiss, Lexa grabbed the first thing behind her she could find, clinging her hand around the bedpost of Clarke’s formerly neatly made bed. 

Once she realized Clarke’s hands had traveled to securely hold her waist, Lexa felt a sudden urge to reverse their roles. After all, she was still the Commander. In one swift motion, Lexa swung them around, pinning Clarke against the edge of the bed. Clarke panted for breath; eyes wide at the sudden outburst but nonetheless enjoying it. Lexa placed a shy kiss to the corner of her mouth before pushing her lightly on the bed, straddling her waist as she climbed on top of her. Right when the blonde thought the electricity spreading through her body like wildfire couldn’t burn any harder, Lexa’s lips vibrated slowly against her ear. 

“Your turn.” Lexa breathed, silently tugging at Clarke’s gown as the fabric slid between her fingers. “Gladly.” Clarke mumbled back, eyes closing and sinking into her touch as she felt Lexa slowly removing the silk garment off her flaming skin. Once the blue dress found its way next to its black equivalent, their bodies flushed together, kisses pressed eagerly all over. 

Clarke couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips when Lexa sucked at her pulse point, leaving an obvious mark that left her speechless. She responded by burying her nails into her back, vigorously tracing the outlines of her tattoos. Lexa hissed in her ear, greedily coming back up to find Clarke’s lips once more. When she flicked her tongue over the outline of the blonde’s bottom lip and Clarke didn’t hesitate to grant her access, Clarke knew this was exactly where the well-known _Heda_ and _Wanheda_ needed to be, all along. 

* * *

With their legs a tangling mess underneath the sheets, Clarke rested her head against Lexa’s chest, quietly listening to her - now steady - heartbeat. This was the moment both girls had been desperately yearning since day one, since the kiss in the tent - which nobody knew about. With both their respective duties to attend, neither one had come to a point where they could acknowledge their feelings for one another. Tonight however, both girls seemed to have finally let their guard down, their undeniable love no more hideable. 

Lexa brushed a strand of blonde locks behind her ear, right before kissing her temple. As she felt a small blush creep up her cheeks by the gentle touch, Clarke realised she’d never felt more at ease in her life than in this particular moment, praising herself for not letting Lexa slip away this time. She closed her eyes, the only sound being their soft breaths filling the candle lit room. 

“ _Ai hod yu in_ , Clarke.” Lexa whispered in her ear, letting her fingers trail the path of her upper arm. The sentence fell from her lips way easier this time, and it had nothing to do with saying it in her familiar language. 

Clarke bit her lip, eyes twinkling when rethinking all the times she tried to grasp the Grounders’ language. With Lexa’s hand still on top of her arm, Clarke lay next to her and turned her back, moving solidly against the radiating warmth of Lexa’s body. Intertwining their fingers, she pulled Lexa’s hand as to drape her arm neatly over her stomach. Right before Clarke allowed herself to fall into a slight slumber, teasing breaths of her favorite Commander tracing up her spine, she smiled at the former sentence, remembering its meaning all too well.

“ _Ai hod yu in seintaim_ , Lexa.”

TRIGEDASLENG

 _Heda_ \- Commander

 _Reshop, Heda_ \- Good night, Commander

 _Klark_ \- Clarke

 _Beja_ \- Please

 _Ai hod yo in_ \- I love you

 _Ai hod yu in seintaim_ \- I love you too


End file.
